thank god its friday

Finally. The week of hell is over.

AND its halloween/ homecoming weekend at my school :) so things can only get better.

Yesterday I didn't do that great. I had 2 veggie patties (150 calories), a tamal (200 calories), and a salad works salad (400)... so I had about 750 calories, and then two drinks out... so it wasnt HORRIBLE... but it wasnt very good.

Today has been good. All im having is a bowl of cabbage soup :) :) :) gotta have a flat tummy for the halloween party tonight :)

Hm. Improvement.

Well... Im pretty proud of myself. Because I binged on two pieces of pizza yesterday... I actually had NOTHING ELSE TO EAT for the rest of the day?!

Havent eaten yet today... might not. Not feeling hungry.

My stomach is finally starting to shrink. God this feels good.

..

Still very sad. Although I have done really well eating wise...

The first day he passed, I didnt eat anything at all. The second day, I had some soup and drank a little too much.... over the weekend I remained under 800 calories a day... usually eating only one meal and drinking. Monday, I fasted for over 24 hours and then had 600 calories of cabbage soup and ginger snaps. (got hungry...) Today, I had black coffee, and then some cheese and crackers before 5 hours of dance (300 calories) and then I had some soy milk (130 calories) and then nibbled on some candy corn (ill round up to 100). Todays total was about 600, or under.

I have more dance in a half hour and im exhausted with two midterms back to back tomorrow, that i couldnt study for yesterday because i had a midterm today :(

I need this week to be over. now.

Jose Gil

My abuelo, my grandfather, was the most important person in the world to me. I loved him so much. He was undoubtedly the most influential person in my life. Of all my cousins, I was the only granddaughter, so we had a special bond. He passed away this morning, peacefully in his sleep, at the age of 94.

Day 1: Cabbage Soup

Well, yesterday was not so good. BUT! I did manage to get the ingredients and make cabbage soup! SO TODAY IS THE FIRST DAY!!!! FINALLY.

The plan: Eat cabbage soup twice a day, everyday. Drink tons of water, perhaps treat myself to tea at night.  Soo soup soup soup, water water water for ONE WEEK.

I am making my day plan ahead of time, almost like a food schedule, and then at the end of the day-- I will report that i stuck to it!!

Classes
Cabbage Soup for lunch
Flamenco technique class (SERIOUS WORKOUT) 12:45-2:35pm
Flamenco choreography rehearsal (SERIOUS WORKOUT) 2:45-5pm
Shower
Cabbage Soup for dinner
Sorority function 7-8:45pm
Library to study...
Possibly going out... or just tea time then bed :)

crap.

slept through class today... so ive already started this whole day wrong. first day back from break... sigh... why cant i get my shit together?!

i. am. huge. huge. huge.

its disgusting and it has to stop.

b- none
l- 280 calories of fruit, yogurt, and granola (i know... shouldn't have)
d-

need to get to food store today to get ingredients for my soup!!

Plans

Its time to make some plans.

I am struggling... really struggling... to fight my depression. My self-esteem has completely disappeared, and my will/want to do anything seems to be fading with it. Thankfully, I have you girls. This year is a very lonely year for me... my roommate situation is really horrible... and my boyfriend and I have a relationship that is constantly in need of healing. My head is spinning just thinking about the disorganization of my life and how I have let everything go. I need to make some plans, I need to get my body back, I need to be skinny.

I am not going to weigh myself until November 1st, because I honestly think it might depress me more. If I can do my very best until then perhaps the number wont be as bad to start with.

Since it is cold out, it is the perfect time for the cabbage soup diet. A long time ago, when I hit a plateau at 117, just eating the soup twice a day helped me drop to 108. I am home for a three day weekend (fall break) but when I get back to school, I will be making a huge cauldron of cabbage soup and living off of it, and only it. I am going to bust my ass at the gym and in dance EVERYDAY because at this point, I am disgusting. I just need to kick depressions ass before it kicks mine.

New Week

Yay its a new week! Might tea-fast.... (or atleast thats what im doing at the moment)

be back later :)

I am absolutely exhausted today. I had five hours of flamenco dance, which is really intensive. Every muscle aches, and it feels wonderful.

However... I have a ton of studying and reading to do. Sigh.

Breakfast: Light Vanilla Skim Milk (100 calories)
Lunch: Fat-free greek yogurt (90 calories)
Dinner: Tomato, pesto, cheese panini (300 calories) and diet coke (0 calories)

Total: 490 calories

Hopefully if I get hungry, some tea will solve the problem.

Today was a good day.

Found

Finally, I can feel Ana's presence. 

My mind-body connection seems to be in harmony; a feeling that is almost zen-like. 

The enslavement of craving no longer exist. 

It has been too long since I have felt this way, and I am so grateful to finally feel found. 

Breakfast: Egg whites scrambled with mushrooms, red onions, tomatos, and garlic (100 calories)

Lunch: Fat-free Greek Yogurt (140 calories)

Snack: (during dance for energy) 1 rice cake (70 calories), laughing cow cheese (35 calories), assorted nuts- almonds, peanuts,etc (120 calories)

Dinner: Detox pomegranate tea w/ splenda (0 calories) 

*Sucked on some mints throughout the day... so im rounding up the calories

Total:  500 calories

I really feel good about today. 

Exercise:

2 hours of modern dance